“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph.5:25). In his first letter, the apostle John says that we should be willing to lay our lives down for the brethren. Jesus said there is no greater love than to lay one’s life down for his friend. We tend, from my observation, to interpret Paul’s admonition as meaning we should be willing to lay down our life, to die for, our wife. Most Christian men would say they would do that, and given a life threatening situation, many, if not most, would. However, realistically few will ever face that choice. Paul’s words here build on the theme of God’s love and Christ’s redemptive work that have been the heart of the letter to the Ephesians throughout.
The phrase, “gave Himself up for” also appears in Ephesians 5:2 (see my previous post). The word literally means “to give beside.” It carries the idea of handing over or betraying. Jesus’ giving Himself up for us embodies the self-denial and sacrifice, not just in His death, but in His entire life and redemptive process. He gave Himself up for the church in order to sanctify her—to make her holy—and present her to Himself a glorious, spotless, unblemished bride—holy and blameless. How many of us look at our wife with this kind of love and intentionality for for her well-being?
Paul goes on to encourage a man to love his wife as his own body. He says no one hates his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it. You feed and clothe you. It’s basic. You just do it. That is the simplest most practical illustration of love. It’s the way Jesus said to love your neighbor—as yourself. If you love you enough to do good things for you, love your neighbor the same way. Even if you have a “poor self-image” you love your body enough to take some measure of care for it. Nourish and cherish suggest an even more intentional care. The word nourish, in Greek, is literally “to feed out.” It is to care for, bring up, rear. It fits in with the idea of putting yourself aside to help her become the glorious spiritual beauty she is called to be in the Lord. The word for cherish means “to warm or brood.” It is a loving response that offers nurturing, comfort and security. Paul says to not love your wife is to hate yourself, and he was right. I don’t mean in just a figurative, mystical, spiritual, you two are one kind of way. Although that is true, the reality is, if you do not provide your wife the love and security she needs, she will seek for it in other ways. She may become nagging, demanding, complaining. She may just take control and make sure things happen that she feels she needs in order to feel secure, in effect usurping the leadership of the home. She may look for it in some other relationship. One way or another, you will pay a painful price for your neglect, proving that to not love her is to quite literally hate yourself.
Then, Paul quotes Genesis that a man “shall leave his father and mother and cleave [or be joined] to his wife….” There is a word in Greek for “leave.” Paul uses a stronger form of that word with the prefix “kata” attached—meaning down or against. It adds intensity to a word when it is prefixed to it and not just a preposition in front of it. You are absolutely not to let familial ties hinder your relationship with your wife. She is your focus and priority. There is also a word for join. It is sometimes translated adhere (like glue), associate with, cleave to. Here again Paul adds a prefix. This time he uses “pros.” It means “before”—as “in front of,” or “face to face.” You don’t just join with your wife. You are very present with her—face to face. You don’t just marry and then move on to the next conquest, like a career or business or hobby, or go back to hanging out with your buddies, or parents, or siblings.
Paul says this is a great mystery in that what I’m really explaining to you is how Christ loves the church. It fits with all he has said up to this point about how God, in Christ, was blessing, sealing, raising us up with Him, seating us with Him, saving, delivering, redeeming, pouring out His grace and love—on all believers, Gentile and Jew, so that we are all the same in Him. It is a call for unity and peace among believers. But, oh, by the way, it’s good illustration of how you are to love your wife, so that she will be able to respect her husband.
